meeting with the boss re: who am i

valentine= the boss
lasher and ashlar = twins, always fond of asking each other questions to arrive at a truth

V: guys,who am i?
L: i admit that is very hard to answer:
A: yd u ask?
v i dont know... its just that can i change who i am? i've been like this for a long time, now can i change?
L lets discuss it
a coz we surely have no idea sir
a yea simple as that.
l not so ash, not so. but we'll talk about this some other time - this simple to have answers by mere discussions only
a right, now boss.. what do you exactly mean when you say can i change me?
v, well let's start physcially
a that can indeed be changed.
v. how about my disposition to people and to certain situations
l like fear, stage fright, uncomfortability,.. etc.
a. indeed it too can be changed.
v then is there no permanent me at all?
l. er... hmmm...
a. is there no permanent u at all...
v: wait... which one of you pala is the sad one and which one is the aggressive/the violent
l. i am the violent. i can say things you wouldn't normally say like putang ina niyo! or i may talk confidently scandalously about sex blood gore and more sex blood and gore.
a. ok ok we get the picture! im the lonely one sir i'm a massochist really. lasher is the saddhist. i can talk about all that bothers me and i can go on enduring the pain i feel, be it physically or emotionally. or whatver pain there is that i am not aware of, which i also venture to find out.
v. ok then, who do u guys think i am?
l. sir, you are us.
a. we are you.
v. a massochist and saddhist at the same time.
a. who cannot be so because he has an image protecting
l. an image which is controlled by community, family, expectations.
a. which make us unacceptable.
l. only through us do you voice out yourself
a. and only through you are we able to be voiced out.
v. can i not be me also as a mask?
l. one cannot be the mask. one only puts on the mask.
v. so i am fake, and you guys are real?
a. no. on the contrary, we are fake. you made us.
v: but how can i be living a mask, a lie?
l: you are real in us. you make us real as we make you real. not that you are not real, but we add up to your reality.
v. thus you say, i am what i should always want to be? whatever happened to delicadesa? one cannot be what one desires to be because we do not live alone.
l. precisely so! that is why you have the two os us to express you!
a. the you that cannot live, that is not accepted in society. atleast right now.
l. we are not accepted in society, you know that. only when you go out sear for adventure can we also come out.
v. but that wont be happening soon, i believe.
l: i know now, you are the religious one, the insightful reflective one who make us be!
a: do you notice that we are not coherent with regard to our characterization?
l: that is because we depend on you.
a. your power give us power.
l: we cannot act separately from you.
v: you guys are geniuses!
a/l. yea coz u are!
v. isee now... but anyway, we were talking about the unchanging me. we got off the mark. what in me doesn't change?
l: geez,... what do you think ashlar
a: the question is how do we approach the question.

so what in me doesn't change?

l. ahhh... we must go back to the very roots of your being.
a. right coz if something does not change then it must have been the same from the very beginning!
v. brilliant! now... let's see... i'm a baby. what in me was there then, but is still here.
l. your body. i mean ur genes.. since your body did change. but only according to the designs of your genes
a: uhmmm.... what else... baby valentine, teenager lem, kid lem... adult lem.. what is the same in all of these ages?
v; i remain the same. it was me who have changed. but change occurs only when something is permament. my being then was the same now. but also different for i have changed. it was me then, it s me now. my being has nowhere to go nothing to change into.
a. thats just it! being can only be being and not non being.
l: yeah, but is that all there is to it? it sounds plain...
v. i guess so yeah. is it not?
l: well, what is the purpose of even discussing this in the frist place? being isjust something so.... arghhhh.. i can't explain it with that fucking irritattiing headset on your fucking ear!
a. lets continue again next time boss, if u dont mind...
v. oh sorry. sure...

the Master's Revelation to his WORLD

persons involved in the story
the author: a real entity existing in the real world of men
the reader: you a stranger, a visitor, a passerby in the author's created world
valentine: the author as present in the story.
and the two pasaway

the real author can never fully join in the world he created. he continually moves them into being and doing. but he reamins the same transcendent creator. he will never be like his character unless he himself reincaranates into a ne character of that world. but alas, he cannot for his poweres are only to iinfluence and make do the characters' life. he is unlike god who gave man the freeedom to live and do things and who reincarnates in the world to be with the characters also as a fellow character.

is my valentino my reincarnation into my world? but who am i who speaks? it's my voice in my world. everything is my voice. my characters voices are my voices. here i speak a revelation for the world. this is my voice in the world i created. this is me, i cannot refer my characters as separate from me for they are me.